Peace by Jack Handey

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate.

And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

~ Jack Handey ~

Radio Flyer

I don't know of anyone whose childhood doesn't have at least one memory of riding in a Radio Flyer classic red wagon. I don't think my sister and I owned one, but someone we knew did. Not the most comfortable of rides and the inside was always filled with leaves and had rusty corners but who cared? My favorite way to ride was to turn the handle backwards and have someone push so I could steer. One running heave-ho down a sloping driveway could start anyone's heart pumping. The critical part was making that 90° turn onto the sidewalk before zooming onto the actual street where you risked being hit by a car. Most often, we'd tip over onto the grassy median screaming like a banshee and flush with the possibility of losing life and limb. Even with bloody, scraped palms and grass-stained elbows, we'd jump up and shout, "Again! Again!!" No way would any parent nowadays watch this with crossed arms from their porch and let it happen again and again, but these were different times. In fact, one of my favorite fall pastimes was watching my uncles burn leaves in the ditch in front of my grandparents' house and then taking turns with my cousins taking a flying leap through the fire and smoke. Terribly dangerous but oh, what fun! And now...Radio Flyer has gone high-tech. In keeping with today's safety demands, the 90-year old company has put in 5-pt harnesses and padded seats. There's also an iPod dock with speakers, cup holders and digital readouts on the handle so Mom can see what the temperature, time and distance is so they don't go too far or get too hot. Hmmm.



Sure is pretty, but this is a wagon for wusses. I guess the driveway zoom is out. And tipping over and scraping the side would be like...God forbid...drinking Grape Nehi in Mom's Lexus. No wonder kids are soft and fat today and whine when things aren't handed to them on a silver platter. It's my generation's fault, I suppose. Trying too hard to not be our parents. And I don't fault our parents for being irresponsible or careless either. They did the best they could with what they had. My generation, with our expensive educations and internet access, maybe overthinks things a bit to prove to ourselves that we're the best parents we can possibly be. Good intentions. But the thing is, we may not have always made that 90° turn, every time...and yes, blood was spilled and clothes were singed ...but we sure loved trying. And we learned that falling doesn't always mean failure and that sometimes, you have to jump into smoke without knowing if you'll make it through. Sometimes, growing up means having perpetual scabs on your elbows and singed-off eyebrows. Maybe, just maybe, the journey into adulthood wasn't meant to be pretty.

Warm Wishes

Why It Should Be Illegal For White People To Rap

No.

Whopper Virgins

Fascinating short film about people in remote areas of the world who have never tasted a hamburger before. Sponsored by Burger King, this obviously biased unscientific study captures rare first reactions to the joys of artery-clogging, flame broiled, greasy heaven. Takes about 7 minutes to view but worth it.

And speaking of fast food, several co-workers of mine would be thrilled to find one of these new vending machines somewhere near the library. Unfortunately, they're not yet available in our area:

Put Up Christmas Lights? Check

Intelligence Interrupted

New word: BOWDLERIZE. Webster dictionary defines it as: "to expurgate (a written work) by removing or modifying passages considered vulgar or objectionable." Also known as: Censorship. Named after Thomas Bowdler, famous for editing Shakespeare in 1818 to make it presentable to families. 'Cause ya know that wacky Will Shakespeare is practically pornographic.... At New Rochelle High School, the kids were assigned a bowdlerized version of Susanna Kaysen's Girl Interrupted. The school district has determined that parts of the book are "inappropriate" due to sexual content and strong language. Yeaah...so there's no other books in the entire world to choose from?? The chairman of the English department collected all the copies of the book and tore out pages 64-70 then returned it to the unsuspecting students. It's a good thing that Big Brother is around to watch these things otherwise teenagers might learn about S-E-X. Whew! Dodged that bullet, eh? If you want to read more about this story and find ways to voice your opinion click on this link: HITLERLIVES.

Smell Like A Library!

Just in time for Christmas: Library perfume! Now you can smell just like your local library or book store. The ad says, "...(it) is a subtle scent, and it’s not so much the exact recreation of the musty, antique smell of the pages of old book as much as it is the entire book…a hint of worn leather bindings, a whisper of the frayed cloth and the wisp of wood polish from the shelves it sits on and even a bit of sweetness we can’t place." And also, "more like a faint memory rolling around in your mind and inspiring you to dream of a long afternoon in an old leather chair curled up with a novel."

Gee. That doesn't smell anything like OUR library, which isn't exactly STINKO (you know what I mean) but there's no wood polish or leather. After breathing it in all day, I'm not exactly "inspired" to do anything...except maybe take a shower. Our library perfume ad would read: "...a pungent odor, reminiscent of cardboard dropped in the bathtub and left to curl up...of mildew left over from Hurricane Ike. A mixture of rubbing alcohol, smoker's cough and clove body spray with the sour after-notes of infrequently washed feet. Inhale it like a slow-burning cigarette, starting out subtly and then building in acrid strength and potency until your all the hair in your nostrils falls out onto your lap." Yeah. I even have a name for it: REEK. Everybody's wearin' it. Bwahahaha!

Sheltie Humiliation

"Just one picture," she says.

"It'll be funny," she says.

Rage

Time to vent. Few things make me angrier than hearing about animal abuse. Jiffy, this beautiful, intelligent 11 year old border collie was left outside to freeze in 6 degree weather in Sheboygan, Wisconsin yesterday. Neighbors noticed the dog, unable to move and frozen to the sidewalk for over 12 hours and called the local humane society. Pieces of Jiffy's fur are still stuck to the pavement where rescuers cut him off the icy concrete. The "owner," a 59-year old excuse for a human being, was taken into custody on "suspicion of animal neglect." Fortunately, Jiffy is still alive but unable to walk, partly due to the fact that he is grossly overweight, which is abusive in itself. The Sheboygan Humane Society has received several offers to adopt Jiffy and I hope he finally finds the good home he deserves. I have an easy solution for his former owner that would save the good citizens of Sheboygan a lot of money in court fees but I'm restraining myself from posting it here. Our pets give us unconditional love and only ask for the basics of life in return. If you're too much of a self-absorbed troglodite to agree to that, PLEASE don't get one. Off to go punch a pillow.

Happy 19th Birthday Tristan!

Tomorrow, my baby turns 19. Here he is at age 7 preparing

for one of his many super-secret incognito spy missions.

Here's to many new adventures, baby.

This Is Just Wrong

I don't care how moist this Turkey Cannon makes your Thanksgiving turkey, this just doesn't seem right to me. It's supposed to infuse your turkey with whatever liquid (beer, stock, etc.) you choose, keeping the bird moist and juicy and lessen the cooking time per pound. I'm just not sure if I could add insult to injury by eating the poor thing after such a violation....

All I Had Was An Easy Bake Oven!

Check out these yummy-looking felt "shu-mai" dumplings for kids to pretend to cook! They're made by etsy artist dolittledesign and they come in their own bamboo steamer and includes a little cup of "soy dipping sauce" - all made from FELT. Other dim sum treats are also available including pot stickers, scallion pancakes and fortune cookies. Ah, to be six again!

Hide Your Quadrotritecale!

With the new Star Trek movie set to open in May, here come the associated action figures and other Trek paraphernalia. Check out these new Tribbles (if you don't know which episode this is from, just stop reading NOW). I do own a tribble, but since mine was purchased at Trek Con '78, it does not warble around Klingons....yet.

A Case Against Accelerated Reader

Sometimes parents come up to me in the library, point to their child and say, "She's such a good reader. Already at level 2 even though she's only in 1st grade." Whoopie. Or they'll ask me for a book with at least 6 points for their 3rd grader. My first question is always to the child, IF the parents bothered to bring them: "What do you like to read about?" (my second question would be, "Why are you doing your child's schoolwork?" but whatever) I have some experience with the popular, but arguably effective, Accelerated Reader program employed in some schools. Basically, a mathematical formula is assigned to *some* books based on number of pages, words per page and reading level, which is somewhat subjective. For four years, I was in charge of this program in an elementary school. I kept track of the kids' points, helped to initiate incentive programs and, as a library aide, was encouraged to "push the points." All this, I did with a heavy heart. I would always tell the kids, "Okay, this book is four points but keep in mind that there are many, many books in our library that are wonderful but have zero points." Most times, they chose the AR books, since reaching the ten point level won them a chain necklace with a dog tag. Reading became a contest, something you *win,* not something to be done for the sake of enjoyment. I would watch two friends high five each other as they finished a Brian Jacques book, since that afforded them a luxurious 16 point lead over a competitor. "But," I'd ask them, "what did you think about Martin the Warrior? Was he a hero, in your opinion?" The blank looks on their faces gave me the answer. AR tests don't measure comprehension -- not really. I know this because I've made up tests before, and while I promised myself to always read the entire book before creating the quizzes, I was encouraged to perform the mantra of standardized testing: "just scan for the answer words." Don't get me started. I worry about parents thinking that a 14¢ chain jangling with dog tags means their kid is literate. I worry about a school system that doesn't give the kids enough credit to choose for themselves to let their minds expand through imagination, without keeping a score card. But mostly, I worry about kids who may never know what it's like to lose yourself in a book that is really, really GOOD. Deliciously good. A book that makes you sigh when you close the last page, regretting that the experience is over. Satisfaction, not because it has a high number penciled onto its title page or because someone else put it on a list, but because the story touched something in that particular child; maybe something that could change that child's outlook on life altogether or make that child see the world in a completely different way than they'd been taught. For those of us who are dedicated, lifelong readers, just think what your life would be like without the influence of what we've already read: how did Jo deal with rejection as she tried to become a writer, or what was important to Charlotte as she prepared to die? I have no idea how many points these books are, and honestly, I don't care. I do care that the measure of a book should be how it affects the individual, not in the number of pages finished. One of my favorite recitations is, "The more you read, the more you know. The more you know, the smarter you grow. The smarter you grow, the stronger your voice when taking a stand or making a choice." In this time of big change and responsible choices, it seems that our priority should be making sure the next generation becomes as smart as possible.

Word Vomit

It's a running gag at my house that whenever someone, either on television or in person, uses the word "surreal," my right eye begins to twitch. Listen to any interview by anyone under the age of 30 and inevitably they will describe some experience as "surreal." Ack! "The MTV Awards were so SURREAL." Nooo. I'm guessing they're confusing the word with "unreal," and not "surreal," referring to the 20th century style of art using fantastic images to represent unconscious thoughts. I know I should be more tolerant when people blurt out the wrong word, but it literally sends shivers up my spine. That's another word that's frequently misused, "literally." It's supposed to differentiate between the literal and figurative uses of the phrase used but nowadays it's common to hear, "I literally died when I heard that!" Riiiiggght. I'm not the only one irritated by the flagrant misuse of this word, there's a weblog called Literally, A Weblog devoted to pointing some real groaners. And while we're on the subject of pet peeves, the one word that nauseates me more than any other is.....(wait for it...) SUPPOSABLY. Seriously, the back of my eyeballs feel like they're going to explode when people say this word. Of course, they mean to say "supposedly," but something totally WRONG happens when it leaves their lips. Aarghh!! I want to press their lips together and say, "Please, please try again! You can do it!" Unfortunately, now that I've brought it to your attention, you will hear this word ALL the time. Eyeballs everywhere....exploding. Being irritated by the misuse of words has a long history with me. Some of you may have heard me recall gems blurted by my mom, the Queen of Misused Words, say things like, "Don't get near that dog. He might be RABBI'd." With my sister furiously warning me with her eyes to shut up, I ignore her and say, "Well... that may be true because I think he was wearing a yarmulke." Or, Mom's famous line watching two cows on the news which had been wandering for days without food: "They're eating something...they don't look EMANCIPATED." My sister and I freeze and look at each other. Don't say it...don't say it... "Maybe just the black one." *wince* Restraining sarcasm is easier with the threat of a chopstick slap to the back of the head. But I'm getting better. I've come a long way from the days of refusing to listen to America's "Horse With No Name" because I was offended by the line, "Cause there ain't no one for to give you a name." Seriously?? And WHY doesn't the damn horse have a name? You're in the desert...what else is there to DO?? And yes, I admit to correcting bathroom wall grafitti with a red pen...but I digress. Why do people keep writing "definatly"?? I feel like I'm mellowing in my old age. At work, I stayed calm and reasonable with a co-worker who kept pronouncing the word "author" as "arthur" and "librarian" as "libarian." Mahaaablahh urgh...thud!!! Yes, my eyeballs felt like exploding everytime he said these words, but I believe that I've finally broken him of that annoying habit (one down, many to go). My nails have almost grown back from digging them in and I'm sure the circ desk can be sanded down from the gouging but I'm doing better. Amazing what blood pressure meds and a new outlook will do. Surreal...definatly.

Making A Change

An historic night with two incredible speeches. Both made me cry.

Great Pumpkins!

Happy Halloween from Sam...

...And from Secret Asian Girl!

Dewey Readmore Books: Read It And Weep

I am a sucker for animal books. I always hesitate starting one because I know how it's going to end: Me, wide awake at 2:00 am, swollen and puffy, going through an entire box of tissues and vowing never to read another book about a beloved pet. Dewey, The Small-Town Cat Who Touched The World is definitely a five-hanky read. I knew that when I opened the first page but how could I resist a cat who lived in a library and touched the hearts of so many? Dewey Readmore Books (his full name) was found, on a bitter, cold morning in Iowa, stuffed in the bookdrop of a local library, unwanted and clinging to life. The staff nursed him to health and gave him not only a home in the library but probably the world's most perfect name for a library cat. Dewey became more than a mascot; he was an ambassador of friendship between the library (which, at the time was suffering low circulation stats) and its patrons. Even after he became an international star, Dewey was first and foremost a beloved friend to all, but mainly to the library director and author, Vicki Myron. "The most important thing is having someone there to scoop you up," she writes, "to hold you tight and tell you everything is all right. For years, I thought I had done that for Dewey...the real truth is, that for all those years....Dewey was holding me." *sniff* *sob* For anyone who has ever been lucky (and privileged) enough to be a recipient of the unconditional, boundless love and devotion of a wonderful animal friend...get out the tissues, this book is for you.

No Such Thing As A Perfect Storm

Imagine if Hurricane Ike had hit Galveston with NO warning and no safety measures in place to protect you? The tragic aftermath of such a scenario, which actually took place in Galveston in 1900, is the subject of "Hurricane," by Janice Thompson. After living through our recent storm, I was curious about its more famous predecessor, which still carries the unenviable title, "Most Catastrophic Natural Disaster in U.S. History," having taken over 6000 lives and virtually laid barren the gulf island. This book probably wouldn't be my first choice if I wanted to know more about this storm but it sort of fell into my hands while shelving and I took an hour this morning to read it. The story is mostly from the viewpoints of fictional characters, culled from actual individuals or collective memories of several people. The event itself is not described as horrifically as in "Isaac's Storm," by Erik Larson but is a more emotional memoir of the aftermath and reconstruction of the city of Galveston. The author, largely known for Christian fiction, writes a version of hope and faith, which I'm not sure survivors of such a monster from nature would be feeling after their city was decimated. While I'm impressed by the resiliency of Galveston residents after Ike, I haven't heard too many Ike survivors regaling the wonder of nature in spite of adversity. And this, with the technological advantages of Super Doppler radar. But life was different a hundred years ago and perhaps optimism was easier to come by. After all, they had the post-storm comfort of Clara Barton....we got Geraldo Rivera.

Has Anyone Seen My Red Lipgloss??

Hunk-ering Down

A Consumer's How To #43: P.T. Barnum Was Right

I can't remember how much this "Jesus-on-a-Grilled-Cheese" sold for on Ebay but I'm sure it was a ridiculous amount. Some people definitely have more money than brains. Still, it's the sheer scope of what's available out there to buy online that makes Ebay such a success. I've been an Ebayer for about ten years now. Mostly, I buy (antique teddy bears, clothing, books, etc.) but I've sold a few things now and then. I wish I had been the person who thought up the idea of marketing to anyone with access to the internet. Bringing the mall TO the consumer is nothing but pure genius! Ebaying is simple, fun and non-intimidating once you get the hang of it. There's nothing like the rush of the final three minutes of an auction, hitting the "refresh" button over and over to make sure that yours is the final bid and then savoring the victory! Most of the time, Ebaying is pretty straightforward and the sellers are reputable and honest. In all my transactions, I've only had a few go bad. Coupla tips: Beware the "swooper," the veteran bidder who waits until the final 30 seconds to top your offer and send you to Loser Hell. Always bid the maximum amount you're willing to spend. Low-balling is never a good idea. You'll just end up slamming your forehead against your keyboard when you lose by $1.23. Aaarrrghhhh! Also, beware the "shill," (not to be confused with certain similarly named persons working at our branch) a person usually affiliated with the seller who poses as a counterbidder in order to get you to raise your bid. If discovered using a shill, the seller can be reprimanded and possibly banned from Ebay. Fortunately, the Feedback feature of Ebay lets you see how many positive, negative and neutral reports a buyer or a seller has accumulated. This is helpful so you can gage the reliability of the transaction. Paypal is the quickest, safest and most accepted form of payment if you win your auction. Once you set up your account, it's just a click away to finalize your sale. Finally, I would advise a new Ebayer to keep in mind that, although it doesn't always feel like it, you're dealing with a real live human being, so good communication is the key. I always let the other person know when I receive my item and I leave prompt and honest feedback. I think they appreciate it and they tend to reciprocate in kind. Browsing the auctions is half the fun so remember that one person's treasure is another's grilled cheese. Off to check the status of that "Jar of Hurricane Ike Wind" auction!!

Wellness #42: Staying Well

Up until I turned 40, staying well was a fairly simple process. Gradually, you start to notice that the ol' factory installed parts are not working as well as they used to. The first thing I noticed was that I don't heal as fast as I used to. Colds last longer, cuts take more time to mend, I tire easier. *groan* Getting old is a pain in the ass....which is another part of the body that hurts more too. Thanks to this assignment, however, now I can be at least better organized about my aches and pains. I went to Drugs.com and looked up my daily hypertension meds. Not much new but I did find out that Atenolol can make me short of breath. I thought that was just a symptom of age. I also visited the drug interaction checker and saw that some cold medicines can interfere with some Atenolol's efficacy. Didn't know that. Medline Plus is an in-depth resource for finding facilities in a particular area that provide specialized help for various conditions. I found that there are 187 facilities in my area that address hypertension-related illnesses. Good to know! Making a family medical history tree is a great idea. Unfortunately for me, I can only trace any medical history back two generations. Beyond that, my relatives were in China or Japan where I'm certain no medical records exist for that era and under less than modern conditions. For my son's sake, I wish a medical geneological study could be discovered but since his dad was adopted from Korea it seems we are both playing the same game of health roulette.

We DON'T Like Ike

Well, definitely not fun, this hurricane business. After so many close calls, I'm not sure how many people took Ike seriously especially if you're not old enough or been around enough to have experienced one before. Not gonna lie to you -- this one was scary. After 2½ days without electricity, one without water, life was beginning to resemble camping, which I loathe. Still, I am grateful for the power company's quick response and even more thankful that we barely lost water. At least we had hot showers most of the time and grilled everything in the freezer. Weird eating in the dark but at least it was steak and shrimp! Thoughts and prayers go out to everyone out there who are still waiting for utilities and are in worse shape than we are. Food is still scarce -- gas price gouging rampant. Today we tossed out the entire contents of our warm fridge and chopped up branches. Saw my first transformer explosion. Who knew a tree could burst into flames like that? Tonight, feeling grateful and thinking about those who are less fortunate.

September is Literacy Month: Delete Censorship

Think for yourself.

Read a Banned Book today.

Top Ten Most Racist Toys Ever Made

It's a good thing I have a healthy self-image because when I saw these "Chop Suey Specs" I might have reacted differently than how I actually reacted, which was almost shooting water from my nose when I laughed. And this is not, by any stretch, the worst toy on the list of Top Ten Most Racist Toys Ever Made. Clearly, the intent of the genius who created these gems was humor. Unfortunately, this type of parody is based largely on ignorance (and hate) and the desire to point out physical differences, usually for personal gain. Racism is never funny. Cemeteries are filled with people who are not laughing. When I laughed, it came from many years of exposure to this crap and at the realization of how purely stupid some people can be. And don't forget...these are TOYS. They're meant for children. It's no wonder kids come in to the library and say, "Chinese...Japanese...what's the difference?" Um, let's see...two whole different countries???!!! Geez. Take a look at the list and if the toys themselves are not sobering enough for you note that while some of these toys are pre-Civil War era, these glasses...and the Obama sock monkey were on the shelves not that long ago.

Book Review: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

I confess, being around books as much as I am has made me jaded and vaguely suspicious of almost everything I read. Very rarely do I get excited about reading something enough to wholeheartedly recommend it. Having said that, READ THIS BOOK. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows is simply wonderful. The story takes place on Guernsey island in 1946, shortly after its liberation from Nazi occupation and is told through correspondence between a young English writer and the members of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. The society was formed during the war to protect its members from German attention since the Nazis professed to "encouraging the arts" wherever they invaded, even as they forced the inhabitants of the area into slavery. The writer, Juliet, is drawn into the club - and eventually joins - when one of the members finds a book by Charles Lamb and tracks it to its former owner, Juliet, who considers the club's story for her next article. One by one, the Literary Society relates their own stories, eventually revealing a common thread: the spunky and brave co-founder of the club, Elizabeth McKenna. Through a shared love of literature, the group summons the strength to survive the stress of Nazi occupation, courage to take a stand, and even finds compassion for their tormentors. I loved the way this book was written, so reminiscent of Sue Monk Kidd, in lush description, tearful revelation and ballsy humor. I don't laugh out loud very often when I read (especially when there are Nazis involved), but this book was a surprising exception. Sadly, the first-time author, Mary Ann Shaffer, passed away before the book was completed and her niece, Annie Barrows, stepped in to finish the task. I think Ms. Shaffer would have been pleased with how it turned out, further confirmation that love and friendship endures no matter how strenuous the circumstances. I loved this book so much I'll even forgive the vile description of Potato Peel pie - potato pie flavored with sweet potatoes and a crispy peel topping - and chalk up this culinary horror to war rationing. Nonetheless, this novel remains a tasty morsel for book clubs everywhere.

Baby Coming To Houston

Baby and her owner, Jana Kohl, are coming to Houston! Earlier, I blogged about Baby and her tragic life in a puppy mill told in a new book, A Rare Breed of Love. If you want to meet Jana and Baby, mark your calendar for October 12th at the Brazos Book Store on Bissonnet. I can't wait to meet her!

Wellness #41: Still Going Green Pt. 2

How cute is this??! I could definitely see myself tooling around town in this adorableness. Trouble is, here in H-town, where every third car is a truck or SUV (still!), you've got to have a death wish to get on the freeway in one of these. At the risk of channeling Mao, wouldn't it be great if EVERYONE had to drive one? I wonder what the accident stats would be if a fender bender is the worst that could happen? The mpg's are not as good as a Prius, but at under $18k and no 3 year waiting list, it's looking pretty good.

The websites were interesting but nothing new. I did like the DIY sites with recipes for greener household cleaners. Seems that if you have baking soda and vinegar in your pantry, you're good to go for just about everything. Sometimes, though, you have to go easy with the vinegar. I'm still not clear about HOW vinegar gets odors out. Has anyone ever smelled vinegar???

The tip that I'd like to do better with but would require more commitment is turning the A/C temp up. I'm already keeping the thermostat at 79°, living in HOUSTON and teetering on the cusp of menopause. If I could sleep in a meat locker, I would. Just my luck that global warming issues are at the forefront precisely when internal warming is my personal nemesis. *sizzle*

Wellness #41: Going Green Pt. 1

It's not easy being...well, green. Asking someone if they'd like to go green is like asking, "Do you like puppies and flowers?" Of course you do -- or at least, you wouldn't admit it if you didn't. It's just that "going green" is an inconvenient truth. Organic veggies, hybrid cars, biodegradeble containers are more expensive. And while I'd love to ditch those plastic bags at the grocery store in favor of those teeny cloth ones, I'd probably need to haul 20 of them with me every time I go. Whether you admit it or not, convenience sometimes wins out over concern for the environment. Don't get me wrong, I've bought those Dairy Queen swirly light bulbs for the house. They're supposed to last 5 years or more but I had to wince at the cost - $5 each. I realize that over time, it pays for itself but I can see where the initial output can be off-putting. Serving only organic fruits and vegetables can also be cost-prohibitive. What's a conscientious single mom to do? The exercises were interesting, if not helpful. I know they're designed to motivate but sometimes, they just serve up guilt. I did like the calculators that show you which produce is more susceptible to pesticides so I can pick and choose which to invest in. I've been to the Farmer's Market - and loved it - but how much gas will I burn driving across town to buy $6 a basket organic strawberries? Excuses....perhaps, but also pragmatic rationale.

Wellness #40: You're Kidding, Right?

Arrrghhh! The dreaded fitness assignment. *groan* But seriously, we need to exercise AT OUR DESKS? If I did this at the circ desk, the customers might think I had a bit more fiber than I should have had. Anyone who pays the slightest bit of attention to the media nowadays knows that exercise is good for you. In fact, I've marveled at the finely honed bodies this week while I've been watching the Olympics. "What physical prowess!" I thought, as I wiped my Cheeto-encrusted fingers on a napkin. Why, oh why, can't I be like that? In truth, I have a membership at a gym. In truth, I haven't been there in over 4 months....okay maybe I'm fudging that number (mmmm....FUDGE). I guess it's clear why. I do need to go and make it a priority. I did the exercises, including the BMI (Big Mama Indicator) and also the Questionaire. Apparently, thanks to Asian genes and grandparents who lived to be over 90 years of age, I have a life expectancy of 92.8 . Actually, that's about 8 years longer than I *want* to live. Who wants to end up toothless and arthritically frozen in a prenatal position? I guess that all depends on if I ever get to that gym.

"Go Big Or Go Home" With a Silver Medal!!!

Update: SILVER medal for Jonathan Horton on High Bar!!! Congratulations!

Wellness #39: Nutrition

What!!??? HOW can this not be good for you?? Behold the "Hillbilly Homewrecker," 3.5 lbs of deep-fried goodness including a 15" dog, peppers, onions, nacho cheese, chili sauce, jalapenos, mustard, ketchup, coleslaw, tomatoes, lettuce and shredded cheese. Basically: Food Porn. Offered at Hillbilly Hot Dogs (you must go to this site just to listen to the theme song) in W. Virginia, a paltry $14.99 OR, if you can consume it in under 4 minutes...it's FREE. Yeah, baby! I'm assuming that cardiovascular consultation (or resuscitation) is extra....

Okay, okay...I get it. Bad-for-you. Pppfffttt!! This exercise, however, is good for you. I found Nutritiondata.com interesting and (grudgingly) helpful. Although like a lot of folks, I scan the labels at the grocery store and nod my head as though I understand what it says, I really don't. I feign enlightenment as I choose one brand of Cheez Whiz over another. Clearly, this one is far superior. Ha! I was not surprised to see that my favorite Stouffer's French Bread Pizza has 895 calories per piece (yeah but I eat both of them!) and 1720.4 mg of salt. Bad news for those of us on blood pressure meds.

In the next exercise, I entered my previously posted Pork and Chive dumpling recipe into the site recipes.sparkpeople.com. Here's the recipe:

2 tbsp. canola oil, plus more for frying dumplings
1 cup diced onion
3 tbsp. minced garlic
2 tbsp. minced ginger
1 cup chopped garlic chives
1 1/2 lbs. ground pork
1 8-oz. package silken tofu
2 tbsp. hoisin sauce
Salt and pepper to taste
1 16-oz. package dumpling wrappers (look for the Twin Marquis brand, Hong Kong style)
1 egg, beaten and reserved in a small bowl
1/2 cup of water or chicken broth

Nutritionally speaking, here's what I found out: calories 234 cal total fat 6g cholesterol 81mg sodium 403mg carbohydrates 28g fiber 1g. Sodium, as always, a problem. I suppose it depends on how fatty the pork is and what kind of oil used for frying. But Chinese people believe that a chubby face, shiny with grease, is a sign of prosperity. I've always maintained that I want to die with a huge greasy smile on my face!

So...the Hillbilly Homewrecker is not an option in my lifetime, brief though it may be. *sigh* I did notice, however, that one of the ingredients was lettuce. Um...does that count??

Congrats to Jonathan Horton

Bronze medallist Jon Horton





But we remember you on another team. Way to go!

Devastating Tropical Storm Edouard Damage in Houston

May be too disturbing for sensitive viewers.

My New Favorite Quote

From Alice Thomas Ellis:

"There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters."

I dunno. Sounds full circle to me. *smirk*

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer

Don't Check This Out From The Library!

That's right...I said "Don't check it out," because you should BUY this book. One hundred percent of the proceeds from the sale of "A Rare Breed of Love" goes towards the author's fight against puppy mills. Baby is a puppy mill survivor who spent the first almost ten years of her life in horrific circumstances: crowded, filthy, disease-infested cages that make up breeding camps known as puppy mills. Many internet pet sites and pet stores get their animals from puppy mills where dogs are bred every cycle until they are no longer "useful." Baby lost her leg due to her inactive, malnourished life and her vocal chords were cut so she couldn't cry out for help. Now she and her rescuer, Jana Kohl, are traveling the country telling her story and speaking out against puppy mills. They plan on ending their trip in Washington D.C. to urge legislators to help put an end to puppy mills with the help of the Humane Society of the U.S. You can visit Baby's website to read her story. The book is filled with pictures of Baby with "celebrities" like Barack Obama, James Cromwell, Eric Idle, Lindsay Lohan and more. I couldn't stop crying as I read this book. I was horrified and you should be too. While Baby's story reminds us of the worst part of human nature, she is also a symbol of hope, forgiveness and compassion. Even as the mistreated puppies cower in the corners of their filthy cages, they still yearn for human love. Please consider adoption and stop buying from pet stores and internet sites. And remember to give your own furry friend lots of hugs and sloppy kisses. They deserve it.

Batman Forever

Tonight my 18-year old son and I are going to the midnight showing of the new Batman movie. As you can see, the Darknight Detective has been a part of our lives for a VERY long time. Believe me, if there was any chance that these outfits still fit, he'd be wearing them tonight.

Stop...Lederhosen Time!

Where's Matt Now?

Some of you may remember this guy from a few years ago who danced his way around the world - 39 countries to be exact - and on to internet stardom. Here's a video of his latest trip. Check out the video that started it all on his website, WherethehellisMatt.com. I love the world music from the first one and put it on my iPod - "Sweet Lullaby" by Deep Forest.

The places this guy goes are unbelievable. Makes one think less of the differences in people around the world and more of what we have in common: Bad dancing. Enjoy.

Sam Says....

Not everyone can call for help or apply for federal assistance.

Sam gives to the Humane Society of the United States.

If you can, please help those who can't help themselves.

Thank you.

Dim Sum Of All Fears

Making Chinese food has always been a bit intimidating for me. There's an aura to it that seems complex and off-putting, as though there's an Ancient Chinese Secret out there to making good Chinese food that is elusive to all but...well, ancient Chinese people. That brings me to....MOM. I'm pretty sure she wants me to know how to make family favorites but a part of me thinks that she'd also be happy to see anything I make pale in comparison to her own recipe. Anyone see "Joy Luck Club"? 'Nuff said. Still, I am intrigued by truly successfully crafted tidbits -- and I'm not talking about the heat-lamp warmed, red-dye saturated, MSG cabbage fillers most people are used to consuming -- and since Mom may waffle at coughing up her own recipe, I embarked on finding my own.

Dim Sum, which literally translates to "touch of heart," or "little heart," encompasses a wide variety of small bites, usually eaten between breakfast and lunch, with tea. One of my favorite dim sum treats is pan-fried dumplings, or "pot-stickers." I've made won ton, which is pretty much the same thing but never tried the fried, then steamed version. The Food Network's Bobby Flay recently issued a "Throwdown" challenge to Sohui Kim, a N.Y. dumpling expert. Her recipe (she won) looked easy and very similar to what I'm used to when I make won ton. This simple version uses ginger, garlic chives and hoisin sauce in a pork filling. An interesting addition was "silken tofu" to the meat mixture. Silken tofu is exactly what it sounds like, a silkier, creamier version of the firmer soy cakes. Adding it to ground pork keeps the meat moister and juicier and prevents it from getting too crumbly. I thought the recipe was easy to follow and, after some practice, making those little crimps in the dough became fairly simple also. They came out looking great and tasty too....crispy, savory and salty. Here's some pictures of my attempt at this recipe for Pork and Chive Dumplings. Give it a try...you might surprise yourself.

Human-Cyborg Relations

Games and Gaming #38 - All Grandma's Fault

My son was born during the absolutely perfect year to be born a boy. He saw the first season of Barney as well as the first (and best) season of Power Rangers, he was exactly the same age as Andy when "Toy Story" came out, and he celebrated his 11th birthday the same year as Harry did when Hagrid brought him that smooshed cake in the shack by the sea. He's also grown up with Nintendo as part of his life as much as Barbie was a part of mine. Up until recently, he's owned every Nintendo system ever made, and let me tell you, this was no easy task considering that every time we thought we had caught up to the latest/greatest game, Christmas would arrive touting the NEWEST hard-to-find system. I told myself that the plus side was that he was familiarizing himself with technology, learning unbelievable hand-eye coordination....and, he was usually the envy of all his less-indulged friends. (Gotta blame Grandma on this one - she spoiled him!) Another benefit was that we played almost every night as a family. I have fond memories of taking my turn at navigating Mario around all those obstacles to save the Princess. Usually, I sucked big-time and my child would look sadly at me and say, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'll help you get through that hard part next time." I'm not sure if he was learning compassion....or pity. Probably the latter. In later years, we'd compete against each other in various games: Crash Bandicoot, Super Smash Brothers, Clay Fighter, DragonBall Z and my favorite -- the only game I had a chance of winning -- Diddy Kong Racing. Actually, that's not true. I NEVER had a chance, although he always led me to believe that I did. He'd even let me have the controller with the rumble pack so I'd have more fun. Just when I thought I had him beat, he'd drop an oil slick in front of me or a soap bubble to suspend my car in the air until he could zoom past me. But his favorite trick was to be ahead of me by at least a lap, wait for me at the finish line and then calmly fire a missile at me right before I could taste sweet victory. This elicited a Homer Simpson response from me, "Aaarrghhh!! Why you little....!!!" which sent my son into hysterical laughter followed by an apologetic kiss and, "Let's go again! This time, try harder, okay?" *sigh* Ah....good times.

Now, when I'm asked to consider putting a console gaming system into the library, I can't help but think about those times. From what I know about kids, I'm sure they'll have a great time and perhaps that's our ultimate goal, especially for kids whose childhoods have been less fortunate than my son's. I do believe that he learned a lot from playing these games, not the least of which were the skills that kept him on par with his peers. No small advantage nowadays. All you have to do is visit the nostalgic game site and see how far we've come. The miniscule chance I had all those years ago of winning is all but gone now. I'm waiting for Guitar Hero X: Carpal Tunnel Edition. Maybe then, I'd have a chance. Probably not. At age eighteen, my son drives himself to work and school now and what free time he has, he spends with his girlfriend. He's shown little interest in a Nintendo Wii and the games he owns now are mostly Playstation2's. But occasionally, when we're at Best Buy or a store where a system is set up, I see his eyes light up and his fingers begin to twitch. Like most men, he will always love his toys. I half expect him to toss me a controller and say, "Let's go again. I bet I can beat you, Mom." And of course, he would.