Why Technology Is Like Your Mother...and That Episode of Star Trek With The Planet Eater

Most times, I really love being with my mom. She's always there when you need her, she's reliable, understanding, generous and I learn something new from her almost every time I see her. But sometimes, I just want to strangle her. C'mon, you know what I mean. Technology is like that. For example, I just recently switched from Comcast to ATT U-Verse. Without getting into the long, sordid story of why I gave the kick in the pants to Comcast (because I'm being medicated for high blood pressure and I'm not supposed to get riled up), I'll just say that I've been happy - generally - with U-Verse. In addition to digital TV, you also get your internet upgraded to a "fiber optic" system which is supposed to be better than DSL...blahblahblah. Ok, fine. Well....yesterday, when I clicked "receive" on my e-mail, the server downloaded 17,000 e-mails into my Inbox. No need to rub your eyes, yes...I said, 17,000...beginning in March 2005 to the present. After screaming several choice expletives, I checked my e-mail options and no, I did not check the box that said "keep a copy on the server."

Now, we all know that everything we send via our computers is saved somewhere, but where was this coming from? A call to ATT got me transferred to "Tier 2 Support" (Tier 1 was clueless) and a 4-digit "password." The guy was totally perplexed. His suggestion was to go ahead and let the server download all 17,000 e-mails (some multiple copies) and delete them. Anyone want to guess what that does to your computer? Freeze city. And of course, every time you stop a download and try again, it starts all over again. This happened FOUR times. Yes, I deleted 5-10 thousand e-mail messages manually FOUR times - because when you hit "select all," your computer just throws up its hands and lapses into a coma. Also, if you get U-Verse, you should know that you get a wireless modem which ROAMS, looking for a connection and sometimes, there is a disconnect, requiring - you guessed it - having to RE-DOWNLOAD the entire thing AGAIN. All I needed was to complete the gargantuan download so I could delete it and send it into the Internet Black Hole Vortex of Death - God willing. Remember that episode of Star Trek, The Doomsday Machine, where the football field-sized log was scooping up planets and Commodore Decker ends up flying into it, thereby destroying it? Yes, you do. I just needed to empty all those forgotten messages into the gaping maw of Deletion. I just couldn't do it because the damn connection couldn't handle it.

Finally, I was able to reach a different techie at ATT (Robert) who still couldn't clarify for me WHY this happened, but was able to delete the behemoth on his end - at the server. He hinted that it was probably a backup function of a downloaded tool gone awry. So while its intentions were good, I ended up having to destroy the monster created to protect me - like the Doomsday Machine. Oh, and Robert is my new BFF. he he As to how technology is like my mother....I still love my computer, but honestly...sometimes I get the urge to strangle.