Why I Can't Take These Jokers Seriously

Teabonics

Newspapers Obsolete?

Wonder if this is where "yellow journalism" originated...

Publishing Evolution #84 Writer's Gilt

I LOVE Diane Keaton's office set from the movie, "Something's Gotta Give." To me, this salt-buffed, soothing Hampton beach house is the perfect place the character, playwright Erica Barry, can hunker down and type her heart out. You can't see it in this picture but the window looks out to gorgeous sand dunes along the chilly Eastern seaboard. Like Erica, I like to be alone when I write but that doesn't mean that connecting with other "scribblerians" isn't appealing to me. The writer's networking sites seemed like a great place to share ideas and learn from others who share a love for the written word, especially those that have experience getting published. I frequently visit the websites of my favorite authors, including Chris Bohjalian, author of Skeletons At The Feast and Secrets of Eden. It lends a deeper appreciation of his work to know that he lives in an old house in Vermont that came with a noose hanging from the attic rafters ...which he kept. Only a writer can appreciate how terrific that is! I really like reading about what things a particular author surrounds him/herself with and what motivates their writing style. What kind of chair does he sit in when he writes? What does she gaze at when she's trying to think of just the right phrase? Another favorite is the thriller writing duo Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, who are responsible for penning the mysterious Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast character featured in Cabinet of Curiosities and others. It's interesting to see which author contributes the various components that make up their fascinating novels. Can they stand alone? Which one is fact-driven and which one adds that creepy (((shudder))) quality that I can't get enough of? And why can't I wait until their next book comes out (Fever Dream, May 11, 2010)? I've never contacted either of them as a fan but I have been known to send a strongly worded letter or two to people I've never met IF I felt moved enough BUT never tinged with that stalker vibe. Too icky. (Whew!) Most author's websites have a contact link either to the publisher, their agent or, sometimes to the authors themselves. Authonomy is an interesting project. Getting published based on readers' votes eliminates the subjectivity of an editor in a publishing house and gives the power back to the people, so to speak. I don't think it will ever completely circumvent the middle man but, depending on the various proclivities of the voters, it may add another bias to what's getting out there. Still, I think it's an interesting concept. Me, I dream of sitting at a beach house window and writing, like in the movie. And it wouldn't hurt if Keanu Reeves stopped in once in awhile either.

Publishing Evolution #83 Paper to Pixels

Writing has always come easily to me, whether it was in school or out, published or not. I know some people stress over putting pen to page but for me, it has always been easier than speaking. That's why blogging has been an outlet or perhaps more a conduit for expressing myself. I'm never sure who could be reading my words but honestly, I don't think about that when I write. I am, however, humbled when I get the occasional comment from another country or another city. Good or bad, it's a true "aww shucks" moment. As a reader, I enjoy other bloggers as much as I enjoy reading traditional sources. I imagine them slogging away at a keyboard, pouring their hearts out, much as I (sometimes) do. I think it's easier to be honest when you're anonymous. Trouble is, the more honest you are - the more you show your true self - the less anonymous you become. A blogger's conundrum. Still, digital expression is a wonderful thing. I am a book lover; I love the feel, smell and heft of a new book. But I am ashamed to say that I openly covet a Kindle. If only for the sheer joy of the technology and the fact that I could carry around 1,500 books in my purse (if I owned 1,500 books). I have a feeling that even the most vocal members of Team Book would take a Kindle if handed to them for free. They'll say it's not practical, the screen isn't clear, that they can go to the library for free rather than pay $10 for a digital copy, that it's not worth the exorbitant price ($260), blahblahblah. But like me, they all secretly covet a Kindle. Price is definitely an issue, especially if you work in a library where patience is the only price you pay for a bestseller. Even at $9.99 for a digital copy, the same version in paper form can be yours if you can wait until it shows up on Amazon Marketplace. The article was very interesting and I can see where writers feel that their work is getting Dollar Store handling, but they have to realize that while writing can be like giving birth, a story - no matter how good it is - is just a commodity. I'm not sure about the digital e-versions at sites like iFiction, though. Sure, you can read a portion (20-40%) before purchasing the entire copy but all I saw on the site was science fiction and fantasy. This smells suspiciously like so many fan fiction sites, popular amongst the sci-fi/fantasy genre. Whoa...not that there's anything wrong with sci-fi (she says, dodging a lethal neck pinch) but it's just not interesting reading to MOI. For now, Kindles and iPads are Fantasy Fiction for me, so I'll continue to pack my tomes into huge tote bags and lug them around. And I'll continue blogging...as long as someone's reading.

Publishing Evolution #82 Print On Demand

Sadly, self publishing always seems like the ugly cousin to mainstream publishing. Like the guy who doesn't have a date to the prom but who you know will go with you if you're desperate enough and can't find anyone else. Fortunately, however, for many writers who would never get a chance to dance otherwise, these options do exist. Blogging, for example, is one way to get your thoughts "out there," without going through the self-mutilating torture of being rejected by publishers. What would self publishing have done for J.K. Rowling when she was transcribing her little fable from coffee shop napkins to stacks of type-written pages and lugging them to publishers only to be summarily rejected? The legendary story would probably end the same, but could it have come to fruition sooner? The idea of getting a story printed, bound and in the hot hands of potential readers immediately is an intriguing one. What great novels are waiting out there needing only to be printed and distributed to the masses? I visited the sites in the module. I especially liked Lulu, which looked user friendly and professional. Since my only experience with self published books are those cheap, smudgy ones you order with your child's name in place of the prince or princess in the story, I was curious to see if the quality had improved. The previews were helpful but I wonder about the physical quality of the binding, the paper, etc. Since the books are made as they are ordered and thus, cost more, I'd be interested in seeing one firsthand. One book I saw on the site, My Life With Laura: A Love Story, is a tender tribute from a husband to his late wife and their daughter. I'm not sure how easy it would have been to get this story published but I'm sure writing it and seeing it made available for the public to share was cathartic to the author. Perhaps there's value to that even if only friends and family purchase copies. The other sites were similar but not as easily accessible. CreateSpace's clear advantage, however, is that it's partnered with super mongo Amazon.com. After seeing what's available, and if I ever get the urge to squeeze a novel out of this old brain, self publishing seems like a viable option. Hey, what about a story where there's this kid who's a wizard....oh, done that.

The Future of Media: #81 Fight The Future

Yes, I would like one ticket, please, aboard the Technological Bandwagon that is currently barreling down my life. I figure it's either hop on-board or get run over. *sigh* It's official, we have joined the ranks of Blu-ray player owners who need to see every pore in Sam Worthington's face. Okay, so it's not the pores I'm watching... Still. Here's the rationale: the old cheapo DVD player was beginning to skip, Blu-ray players have really dropped in price and (dammit) why keep buying DVDs if (now that High Definition is really dead) the wave of the future is Blu-ray? I *suppose* there's better picture resolution. And yes, we do own a good-sized HD flat screen TV. Honestly, it looks pretty much the same to me, but then we only have 2 Blu-ray movies (Star Trek and The Dark Knight). I am old enough to remember Dad climbing on the roof and adjusting the aerial antenna and shouting, "Is it clear yet?" "No," we'd yell back, "still snow!" Entire afternoons would pass like this, all to get a non-fuzzy picture of "The Rifleman" on TV. My grandmother had foil-covered rabbit ears on her "set," and you'd have to hold them and form your body into Pilate's positions so everyone else in the room would watch. "Don't MOVE!" they'd scream, which was great for everyone NOT the human antenna. Now, anyone who knows me knows how I hate change, but when it comes to technology, I'm resigned to, and convinced of, whatever is better...that, and the sharp stick in my back of encouragement from my son. If not for him I probably wouldn't be listening to my 5th iPod. I'm glad that VHS tapes are on their way out. Pssttt! Somebody tell the library!! One thing I'm having trouble embracing is this new-fangled 3-D trend. I've blogged before that I don't like watching movies with hardware on my head. I doubt I'm going to want to wear that stuff at home if 3-D makes it to our homes. I still see it as a gimmick but what do I know? In my lifetime, I've seen trends come and go (anyone remember videodiscs? Or 8-track tapes for that matter), all touted as the next wave of the future. In the end, it came down to what was least inconveniencing to the consumer. When people look to be entertained they don't want to pay a lot, wait a long time or store a lot. In other words, as consumers, we're cheap, impatient and travel light. Walkmans were hot until portable CD players came along - no more lugging around cassettes that deteriorate over time - then suddenly everything went digital and no more lugging around CDs. In my case, Blu-ray became cost-friendly. I'm still keeping my 300+ collection of DVD's though. I hate change. So if you want my re-mastered DVD copy of "Gidget Goes Hawaiian," you'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

The Future of Media: #80 Movies

Isn't this the BEST home theater ever? Imagine hunkering down to see the latest Caped Crusader flick in an actual Batcave! Watching movies has certainly changed, even if you don't have your own movie theater. I've watched movies on my computer and it's okay but not my first choice, especially if the film is heavy on special effects. Watching the Enterprise get sucked into a black hole is just not as heart-pounding on a 19" screen. Even on a flat screen 42" high def TV there's no substitute for a 30 footer with THX surround sound courtesy of Mr. Lucas. Used to be, going to the movies was an event. Now, and maybe it's a side effect of getting older, but it's just not the fun outing it used to be. For one thing, the crowds are unpleasant, the snacks cost as much as a steak dinner and the seats are not designed for anyone under 5'10". I always feel like I'm leaning back at a 45° angle with the seat's lumbar curve in my neck. If necessary, I'll go to a midnight showing but even the excitement of these have lost their sparkle. The allure of 3-D is not incentive for me either. I like to watch movies unencumbered by facial accoutrement. I'm not a Blockbuster gal so if I want to watch something at home, I request it from my local public library. If I've seen the film before and plan to see it many times, I'll wait to purchase the DVD. I don't think I'd subscribe to a fee-based subscription like Netflix, although the idea of using streaming through an X-Box is intriguing. I'm a frequent visitor to Hulu but I've never watched a full feature on it. I tried to watch the ever-so-enticing A Prehistoric Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell but kept snorting with laughter throughout it. I finally settled on a few minutes of a documentary, Journalists Killed In The Line of Duty, which investigates the increasing violence on news reporters in volatile countries. I suppose these types of films are fine on a computer but I'd feel cheated if I saw a big budget movie this way. The trailers were great, though. I watched one for a movie coming out this month called, Waking Sleeping Beauty, about the Disney animation department and how they saved themselves from oblivion by creating blockbusters such as Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid. I guess this was before Pixar changed everything. Sites like Hulu and IMDb have revolutionized the movie business by generating valuable pre-opening day interest in films and engaging the public in behind the scenes secret info. I use both at work to figure out what movie a patron could be trying to find. There will never be a substitute for the social experience of going to the movies, but didn't they say that about the demise of drive-ins? Until home theaters become more affordable, we have to make do with the elbow-jabbing crowds and the $12 popcorn. Meanwhile, I suppose I'll have to enjoy "a land where prehistoric meets prepubescent" on my home computer.

Ten Skills Every Woman Should Have

In the interest of fairness, in relation to my previous post about "Ten Skills Every Man Should Have," here's my list of things every woman should be able to do, in my own humble opinion. No, I can't do many of these but as we all know, "do as I say, not as I do" is one of the many talents of both men and women. Here we go: 1) Change a tire - So many reasons for not learning this, not the least of which is the existence of AAA, but I know I should. It's just that it's so...yucky and dirty. 2) Be able to say NO - This is difficult for many women. I could go into all the psychobabble about women wanting to please others, low self-esteem, being care-givers, etc., but the bottom line is that we don't say no enough and it gets us into trouble and makes us feel badly about ourselves when we realize we're human and fall short. 3) Handle her own money - This is a bugaboo I'm still learning. A lot of us hate handling money but it's an unfortunate necessity. Oprah says she still signs every check herself. Jeez, if I had her bank account so would I! 4) Hook up a computer - C'mon, it's not that hard! I know it's easier to defer to a man but we can match colors and plugs as well as they can. 5) Negotiate - for a car, a raise, equitable treatment...the list goes on and on. We deserve it and you know it. 6) Cook - I mentioned this in the other post. Ev-er-y bo-deh should be able to fix a simple, nutritious meal from scratch. It's just a confidence thing. 7) Put together a great outfit - This one may seem sexist but a lot of times women ignore the fact that people (not judge) but gauge a book by the cover. Take the time to fix your hair and wear flattering, current clothes. As hard as it is to admit, people treat you differently depending on how you appear. 8) Be able to joke with men - Even though sometimes it seems that way, men are not another species. Some women are afraid to let their guard down around men and that's a shame because so many men (not all) aren't confined by the societal walls that women feel the need to put up. In many ways, men are a lot more fun than women (with none of the cattiness) if you give them a chance. 9) Know what direction you're facing - Ah...I'm guilty of not knowing this. My evolutionary chromosome for direction must be missing because I'm in awe of people who sniff the air and say, "The mall is north of here." HOW do you know that?? Usually, I'm wandering in circles looking for moss on trees or whatever that saying is. Don't tell me to "head south" because that's like Navajo Windtalking to me. You're better off just saying to me, "Turn left at the Whataburger." And, 10) Take our own advice - As women, we're known for being good listeners, world-class at verbalizing our emotions, having concrete shoulders for our friends to lean on, but terrible at listening to our own better judgment. How many times have we said, "I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway"? Ack. Finally, notice there is nothing here on motherhood? That's because I believe, as a whole, we're pretty damn good at it. Sure, there's room for improvement everywhere but nature has imprinted us with fairly clear, sometimes achingly loud, instincts and we tend to go that way. If you trust nothing else in life, you can predict that, with few exceptions, Moms will protect their young. Thank goodness. Now if only I can figure out a way to remember where I parked my car at Walmart.