Even as we speak, some of you are getting ready to commit a heinous crime. A fashion faux pas. A glittery, felt-appliqued, jingle bell-ious assault to the senses. Yes, I'm talking about your hideous Christmas sweater. I know, you think it's "festive," you think it's cute...you're just getting into the Holiday Spirit. But unless you teach Kindergarten, here's what you need to know: people are laughing at you. You need to give it up like a crack habit. I worked in an elementary school for four years and have seen more UCS (Ugly Christmas Sweaters) than I should see for my health. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. In fact, PTUCSSS (Post Traumatic Ugly Christmas Sweater Stress Syndrome) is something I will be battling for a long time. Now, to be fair, there are a FEW sweaters that are tasteful and even bordering on cute but these are few and far between and usually involve just a few snowflakes. Sadly, most people start with a cute snowman (tolerable) and just lose their minds and dive off the deep end into tacky fake fur bordered Santas and goofy reindeer. Worse yet are the "pimped out" vers
ions of the above which require battery packs and even "press here" buttons which buzz with migraine-inducing versions of "Here Comes Santa Claus" or "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." And I haven't even touched on the frisky off-the-shoulder sweaters for women where Rudolph's nose lights up in just the wrong place. Ho, ho, you should be ashamed of yourself, you tacky HO! There are also websites devoted to UCS's such as the appropriately named,
myuglychristmassweater.com. And to help wean you off your addiction, you can create your own virtual Ugly Christmas Sweater and be ugly to your heart's content. Go to
weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com, select a style and click to add all the colored lights, fat Santas and sparkling trees you desire to enjoy in the privacy of your own home without offending anyone...except your family of course, which is the way the holidays should be.
Even as we speak, some of you are getting ready to commit a heinous crime. A fashion faux pas. A glittery, felt-appliqued, jingle bell-ious assault to the senses. Yes, I'm talking about your hideous Christmas sweater. I know, you think it's "festive," you think it's cute...you're just getting into the Holiday Spirit. But unless you teach Kindergarten, here's what you need to know: people are laughing at you. You need to give it up like a crack habit. I worked in an elementary school for four years and have seen more UCS (Ugly Christmas Sweaters) than I should see for my health. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. In fact, PTUCSSS (Post Traumatic Ugly Christmas Sweater Stress Syndrome) is something I will be battling for a long time. Now, to be fair, there are a FEW sweaters that are tasteful and even bordering on cute but these are few and far between and usually involve just a few snowflakes. Sadly, most people start with a cute snowman (tolerable) and just lose their minds and dive off the deep end into tacky fake fur bordered Santas and goofy reindeer. Worse yet are the "pimped out" vers
ions of the above which require battery packs and even "press here" buttons which buzz with migraine-inducing versions of "Here Comes Santa Claus" or "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." And I haven't even touched on the frisky off-the-shoulder sweaters for women where Rudolph's nose lights up in just the wrong place. Ho, ho, you should be ashamed of yourself, you tacky HO! There are also websites devoted to UCS's such as the appropriately named, myuglychristmassweater.com. And to help wean you off your addiction, you can create your own virtual Ugly Christmas Sweater and be ugly to your heart's content. Go to weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com, select a style and click to add all the colored lights, fat Santas and sparkling trees you desire to enjoy in the privacy of your own home without offending anyone...except your family of course, which is the way the holidays should be.
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